So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
