I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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