my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
