Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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