Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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