the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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