Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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