I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
