I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
