He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
