Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
