Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
