doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
