I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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