I think my vagina is haunted
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
