..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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