My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
