i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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