At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
