I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
