At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
