dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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