I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
