The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
