You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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