Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
