I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
