so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
