Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
