I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
