I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
