why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
