D3 body, D1 cock
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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