i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
