Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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