WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i came on her dog
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
