so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
