i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize