I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
