it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
