I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
