they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
