So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
