Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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