I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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