i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
