Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize