Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
