tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
