i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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