i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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