WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
