Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Randomize
