Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
