I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
