Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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