My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
