Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
