I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize