Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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