Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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