I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
