she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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