I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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