I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
