I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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