it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
