I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
