You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize