i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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