Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
