WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
