I'm going to jail i love you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
