omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
