i just google imaged poop.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
