He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
