I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize