I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
