So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
