i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
