Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
