Non-Jews are for practice
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
