is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
