be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
