I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
