It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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