when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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