last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
