There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think your dad took our porno
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
