I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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