I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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