I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i dont even know how to be here
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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