im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
