When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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