I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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