she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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