Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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