You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
