we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize