You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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