Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
