do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
