You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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