i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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