Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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