you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
