sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
