i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
