Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
