the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
