No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
