I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
