he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're like the curious george of whores
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
