those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
