I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
