Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
