I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
