He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
