Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
