I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
