you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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