bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
