somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
