census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
