I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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