This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize